For Me and For Him
by Hanayuki Shizuka
Summary: [oneshot]every night he would write a letter for him, everyday he would come home to an empty mailbox. perhaps it was all but a dream, but it was enough, for the both of them. TezuFuji


Disclaimer: POT unfortunately would never belong to me.

**For me and for him**

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_With love,_

_Fuji Syuusuke_

Signing off with his usual ending, he slipped the letter into the envelope and sealed it. He stood up from his table and went down. As he walked past the living room, he was stopped by his sister.

"Syuusuke, where are you going?" the question was a rhetorical one as she had known that every night, right before her brother goes to bed, he would finish his letter and put it out for the postman.

"Maa, I am just going to put my letter into the letter box."

With that, he walked away. A gentle skip in his walk, as if he was happy, satisfied that he had finished his letter on time. When the door closed silently, she sighed, she didn't know what to do with him, perhaps it let him feel connected to the boy who he was so in love with, but…

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Running almost anxiously down the road, he swung the gates open and went straight to the mail box. Opening it, he gave a sigh; it was mingled with relief and pain.

The mail box was empty, it meant that his letter was posted but it too meant that he didn't receive any reply for his last one. Closing the shuttle of the mail box almost dejectedly, he shuffled slowly back into the house.

"Nee-san, I am back" he mumbled, his disappointment evident in his soft voice and the gentle hunch on his back.

"…" she didn't reply, for she knew he would speak very soon.

"He didn't reply, again." The same complaint came, tinged with a little bitterness.

As if he forgot he was talking to his sister, he walked away abruptly. His shoulders were once again straight, his disappointment promptly forgotten as he began to plan his letter tonight.

"Saa, perhaps I should tell him the improvements made by Echizen…"

She sighed; her heart ached at the sight of her brother.

"Syuusuke, when will you wake up?" She whispered softly as Fuji walked up the stairs, mumbling to himself.

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Fuji Yuuta stepped out of the car and walked towards the house. This home he had abandoned so long ago and the brother he had misunderstood for so long, would it be too late now?

As he walked past the mail box, he knew that the letter was in there. Suddenly a sharp and painful anger sparked within his heart. He couldn't bear seeing his brother suffer so. Opening the shuttle, he grabbed the letter his brother had so painstakingly written.

Storming up the stairs almost angrily, he pushed the door open roughly.

"Aa, Yuuta, you came back, would you be staying for the night?"

"Aniki, stop posting these letters, you know they will NEVER reach him!"

He shook the letter at his brother, demanding his attention. The moment Fuji saw his letter, his eyes snapped open, and they seemed to glint with such anger yet, a trace of pain was lingering beneath all that snapping anger.

"You had no right to take my letter, put it back now!"

"Stop deluding yourself! You knew that all these letters you wrote never reach him, they would never!"

"They had! He was just too busy to reply!" It was the first time Fuji raised his voice at his younger brother. Reaching out, he snatched the letter from Yuuta's hand and held it protectively against his chest.

Yuuta was taken aback by the fierce tone his brother had taken up and his violent reaction.

"Yuuta's right, these letters would never reach him!"

At the gentle voice of their sister, Fuji turned, bewildered at why everyone was insisting that he was wasting his time writing the letters.

"Why, Nee-san? How can you be so sure that my letters never reached him?"

Fuji refused to believe that all his efforts, all the love he had poured into his letters had never reach his side.

"Tell me Nee-san, you are just lying aren't you, you are just teasing me, like Yuuta! You are just…"

"They couldn't reach him because every morning I would go out and take them back in and keep them in my drawer!"

"Why did you do that? The post man would have sent my letters to him…they were so important…" it ended in a sob.

"The postman can never send those letters for you, because you never wrote the address on! You didn't know where he was…"

"Of course I knew…how can I not know where he is?" Fuji's voice thinned to a pitiable cry.

"Because he's dead, Tezuka's dead for one year already!"

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He knew; all this while he had known, but a small part of his brain refused to give up.

The first time he wrote a letter to Tezuka, he couldn't pen down the address. And at that moment, panic gripped him so hard; he didn't know why he couldn't remember Tezuka's address.

So he left the address empty, hoping that later he would recall and put it in. But when he couldn't remember, he decided that it wasn't important. The postman would recognize the name, how can anyone not know the great Buchou and his only love?

And the letters following that had no address; he had simply thought that since the previous letter wasn't sent back, the rest of his letters would somehow find their way to Tezuka.

There were times he would remember so clearly that Tezuka had died and he was simply living in denial, but the pain hit him so hard he would be gasping for air. To escape from such pain, he chose to forget, he chose to continue loving the man he had loved since the start of junior high, and he chose to live on as if nothing happened.

There were times he would wonder where Tezuka was and why didn't he came around lately, then his brain would cooked up some stories and pushed all the wonderings aside.

He knew, even if his siblings hadn't told him, how can he not know? How can he not know when the emptiness in his heart yawned wider every day, how can he not know when he would see Tezuka one minute and only to have him disappear right in front of his eyes when he reached out to touch him?

He knew…

But he just couldn't face it…

He knew…

But he just couldn't let Tezuka die yet…

He knew…

But he just couldn't bear to let go…

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"Of course I know where Kuni-Chan is…" his voice was calm again, his face was once again secured in its smiling façade.

"He is always in my heart, my letters may never reach him, but my love did and it's enough, for me…and for him."

He smiled happily, even when a tear slipped down his cheek and stained the letter he clutched so tightly to his chest.

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End file.
